


Into the Potter-Verse

by VeelaWings



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Auror Draco Malfoy, Auror Harry Potter, Auror Partners, Aurors, Beauty Marks, Clothed Sex, Crack Treated Seriously, Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor Harry Potter, Down and Out Draco Malfoy, Floo Sex (Harry Potter), Frottage, Gratuitous Smut, Gryffindor Draco Malfoy, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hogwarts Professors, M/M, Multiverse, Old Married Couple, Order Spy Draco, Potions Accident, Potions Master Draco Malfoy, Professor Draco Malfoy, Professor Harry Potter, Quidditch, Quidditch Player Draco Malfoy, Quidditch Player Harry Potter, Quidditch Rivals, Roommates, Slytherin Harry Potter, Snogging, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, Veela Draco Malfoy, Werewolf Harry Potter, Yet No One Ever Orgasms, merman draco malfoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:55:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26352262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeelaWings/pseuds/VeelaWings
Summary: Draco and Harry have entered their own Multiverse.Merlin’s Pants.Or — how many tropes can the author fit into one fic and still make it work?
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 44
Kudos: 418
Collections: HP Crack!Fic Fest





	Into the Potter-Verse

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheMightyFlynn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMightyFlynn/gifts).



> Ultra big thank you to my usual peeps! Beta read by the lovely [EvA Eleanor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvAEleanor)
> 
> Prompt: S.7 (As many tropes as possible in one fic)

When Harry bursts into the room, it’s probably only the force of habit that keeps Draco from spilling his potion down the front of his robes.

Draco visibly tenses but keeps his eyes on the vial in his hand, instead of turning to face Harry. His workspace is littered with spare metal bits and bobs. A large cauldron is bubbling away behind him, the rising smoke in a bright Chudley Cannons’ orange. 

“Malfoy,” Harry says, “I need you to decode this file and find a way to brew a reverse potion for my case. I need an antidote.”

Draco snorts and rolls his eyes, then gently sets the vial in a holder without stoppering it. He leans over to stir the cauldron counterclockwise five times before turning back to his workspace. “Leave the file by the door, and I’ll look at it after lunch. Your case can wait until then.”

Harry stomps up to the side of Draco’s station and holds the file out, his demands crystal clear. “The case can’t wait. It’s crucial!”

“Not crucial enough. Lisa and Weasley are handling the murder by ritual case. I know for a fact, that you’re chasing a hippogriff egg smuggler. Significantly less important, Potter. Do be sure to dry your tears on something that isn’t your uniform. It’s wrinkled enough as it is.”

Draco levitates another vial over to him and ladles a bit of steamed foam off the top of his brew, before he holds it up to the light for inspection. The sample is a golden-green shade with black specs floating inside. Harry is so marvelled at the difference between smoke and brew, the potion’s sheer ability to transmogrify that he nearly forgets to feel insulted. _Nearly._

“You can’t ignore me for shits and giggles. And the smuggler could up his game and move to higher targets. We need to find out how he’s dosing the suppliers he’s stealing from.”

“Do you have proof of this?” Draco asks.

“No, but—”

“Then leave the file on the table by the door. As I’ve said, I will get to it later today when _I have time_. I’m in the middle of an experiment, and you’re going to ruin my timing and measurements.” Draco snaps.

“Play with your potions later, this is for a case,” Harry argues, throwing the file down beside what looks like a fucked up Time-Turner. There’s sand and a spinning mechanism, but the shape is wonky. Fed up, Harry goes to put a stopper on the vial that is already filled but Draco rushes to stop him, accidentally dropping the second vial with the foam in his hurry. It shatters on the floor with a hiss.

“Don’t touch that!” Draco yells, not in time to keep Harry from closing the vial completely. Acting quickly, Draco swipes up the disfigured Time-Turner and takes a step back from the chemistry set, pulling on Harry’s sleeve so he also vacates the workspace.

Too late. The stoppered vial of potion smokes, then explodes before either of them can throw up a proper Shield Charm. The blast propels Harry back into Draco, who slips on the puddle on the floor. As Draco’s going down he tries to cling to Harry for support, but Harry trips over a crate of previously filled vials on the floor and falls on top of Draco. In a continuation of mimicking dominos — They knock into the cauldron, its content spilling onto their clothes, but before it seeps in and burns them both, they disappear. The Time-Turner had begun spinning in Draco’s hand after being splashed with one of the potions.

It’s the last thing Harry noticed before it all goes black.

Harry struggles to breathe as the wind is knocked out of him when he crash-lands on the cool grass. The problem isn’t helped when Draco immediately falls on his chest, his pointy chin banging into Harry’s shoulder. Draco’s body seems to relax into a state of dead, unconscious weight. Brilliant.

As Harry blinks through crooked glasses, he sees a bright sky and two Quidditch teams flying through the air overhead. Professional Quidditch teams. He recognises the colours of Puddlemere and the Falcons easily enough. They must have Apparated out of Draco’s lab and onto a random pitch, but Harry has no clue how.

He hasn’t done it.

Before he can wonder how Draco pulled it off, two Seekers are zeroing in on the Snitch, flying right towards them. They’re going to crash onto the pitch and don’t seem to care if they take out civilians or not. “Draco, move, now!”

Draco grumbles into his ear and shifts his left arm, but it’s no use. There’s no time left.

Harry doesn’t give Draco a chance to fully wake up, he simply wraps his body around Draco and rolls them both over so they’re out of the way as the first Seeker crashes into the turf where they have just been, with the other team’s Seeker sliding off his broom to land on top in a heap. The blond Seeker from the Falcons raises his fist triumphantly from under his opponent. The crowd goes wild once everyone realises he’s caught the Snitch.

Only — It’s Draco. Pro Seeker Draco caught the Snitch.

Harry’s jaw drops, and he turns to look at (his) Draco who also looks confused and sleepy but less surprised. (His) Draco cups his hands around his mouth and yells, “Hello,” but neither Seeker acts like they can hear him, even though they’re less than a metre away.

Harry feels a bit like his brain might explode. “What the hell is going on?”

Draco sighs and relaxes back into Harry’s arms, looking torn between defeat and utter pride. Harry should really let him go soon. “I was working on a modified Time-Turner, Potter. You spilled potion on us both and knocked me over so it began spinning. Unfortunately, it seems to have taken us both along for the ride,” Draco said.

“Modified how? We can’t be seen, it could change the fabric of time!” Harry was not panicking. They didn’t have time to panic. They had to fix this.

Draco raised a snooty brow at Harry, leaving him to believe that no one else was buying his unvoiced insistence. Perhaps, he was panicking a little. “Calm down, Potter. It doesn’t take us forwards or backwards in time. My new Time-Turner takes us to an entirely different universe. We _can’t_ be seen. I don’t know what happened to bring us here, but we’re going to stay for a while.”

“We need to leave before we’re compromised!”

Draco snorted. “I just won a professional game of Quidditch. I want to see this.”

The dark-haired seeker finally lifts up to rest on his arms, then leans in to snog Seeker Draco with his profile in full view. The Puddlemere Seeker is Harry. Shit.

(His) Draco chokes as Lee Jordan’s voice is heard announcing to the stadium that Draco Potter-Malfoy has won the first game their respective teams have played since they married last month in Scotland.

“Okay, we can leave now.” Draco pulls Harry’s arm tighter around him and spins the Time-Turner with haste. They pop out of the alternate universe before Harry even gets to check the game’s score.

Draco and Harry get dumped into a brown leather chair and ottoman set in an empty hotel room. It’s significantly less exciting, but when Harry pays attention to the magical energy around them, he can tell there’s a difference here. Much like the pitch before. It’s rather disorienting but helps to clue him in to the fact that this is another universe. Both dissimilar and the same. Almost like the Muggle comic books that he buys for Teddy. That’s fucking it.

_Draco and Harry have entered their own Multiverse._ _Merlin’s Pants._

Before Harry can share the groundbreaking news out loud, Multiverse Draco and Harry burst into the hotel room, both dressed in Auror uniforms. They’re fighting over what sounds like a botched bust and suspects that got away. Bummer.

Then all four of them seem to realise a fact at the same time. There is only one bed in this room.

Multiverse Draco and Harry start to fight over this too, but only half-arsed about it while they both strip and lay down, probably too tired to keep up steam. The lights are turned off with nothing but the moonlight pouring in through the window. The room is quiet for a minute. 

Draco and Harry stay silent. They _really_ need to work on their nonverbal communication because Harry can’t understand any of the hand signals Draco is throwing his way.

MV Harry breaks the silence with a worn out, “Fuck it.” He sits up and straddles MV Draco with seemingly practised effort, then leans down to kiss him, while MV Draco moves up to meet him. Apparently, Draco tries to get the last word in every universe, this one included. “What happened to ‘never happening again’, Potter?”

Thankfully, MV Harry doesn’t let him win so easily. “Shut up, Malfoy. Let me suck your dick in peace.”

Harry takes it back. Draco can always have the last word.

(His) Draco wheezes and Harry turns to face him, feeling just as peaky as Draco looks. “Do you want to stay for this, too?” Harry gambles.

Draco shakes his head and holds onto Harry as the Time-Turner spins again.

Draco and Harry both start coughing when they land face-first on the rug, inhaling lots of dust. This time they’re at Grimmauld Place, in the corner of a large sitting room where several Order members are having a meeting. Narcissa, Molly, and Kingsley are all speaking in shockingly polite tones while MV Harry and Draco are sitting on a loveseat, looking cosy. It can’t be too far out of the ordinary since they’re being ignored by Ron, Hermione, and Percy who are bickering about something else. MV Harry and Draco are failing to hide their grins while they play footsie in plain view of everyone else. It’s embarrassing.

Harry snorts to cover his own feelings and turns to look at (his) Draco, his pale cheeks now rosy with a blush that’s visible through a fine layer of dust. “Aw, did you and your mum leave the Death Eaters for me?” Nothing recovers his dignity quite like insults and cruel teasing.

“Shut up, Potter.” Draco yanks harshly on Harry’s robes and sends them off again.

Harry groans as they plop onto their arses on the hearth of a stone fireplace in the Slytherin boys’ dormitory. He blinks once he realises this is a universe where he’d listened to the Sorting Hat and had stayed in the first house suggested. He has his own bed, nestled between Theo and Draco. All three have their emerald curtains open while snores ring out across the room from three closed curtains in various tones and volumes. Presumably, Zabini, Crabbe, and Goyle if nothing else has changed here. 

MV Theo yawns and shuts his heavy potions book, tossing it onto his trunk — where it promptly slides off onto the floor. He wishes Harry and Draco a goodnight as he closes his own curtains and the grandfather clock by the door chimes to announce it’s midnight.

A whole minute goes by before MV Harry creeps over to Draco’s bed in just his pants and pulls Draco’s elegant nightshirt off. They kiss while slow hands explore the surface of each other’s body. MV Harry whispers to Draco, “Don’t forget your Silencing Charms this time,” teasing his apparent boyfriend.

The real Harry spasms and knocks his elbow into Draco’s ribs. “We need to leave, right now. No Silencing Charms are strong enough for this.”

(His) Draco chuckles, “Are you doubting my abilities, Potter?”

Harry rolls his eyes and pulls the Time-Turner out of Draco’s grasp, spinning it while Draco rushes to hold onto him as they leave for yet another universe.

The landing is softer this time. It’s warm, the sun is shining behind his back but not too brightly — he doesn’t have to squint to see. However, Harry does a double-take when he registers the scene of this Multiverse because he almost doesn’t recognise this version of himself.

He’s old. Super old. Dumbledore’s age at the very least. MV Harry is sitting in a sun lounge chair with a Kneazle in his lap and a beer pint hovering in the air beside him. Equally old MV Draco is sitting on the grass by his side, tending to a nearby rose bush with his wand. He’s pruning it with softly spoken spells while wearing a straw sun hat. They’re holding hands, and it’s so pure that Harry feels his entire stomach roll over much like the pet in the other Harry’s lap. They look cute and happy, and Harry wants to cry a little bit.

(His) Draco makes a noise beside him that sounds suspiciously like a sniffle before he silently reaches for his hand. Harry squeezes it tightly as they spin in time again, without a single word exchanged. This glimpse is too pure for any snide remarks or fighting.

At first, Harry can’t even figure out where they’ve landed this time because it’s so loud. If he wasn’t worried about seeing a Healer at the end of this experience, he is now. _Merlin, his eardrums._

MV Harry and Draco are screaming at each other and gesturing wildly with only one arm each because they’re both handcuffed together by the other wrist. Magically handcuffed if the glowing and mildly alarming, purple sparks are anything to go by. _Goodness, what happened here._

Harry quickly realises that they’re both in his Auror office back at the Ministry, or _their_ shared office since both MV versions are in standard uniform down to the polished brass buttons. Harry and (his) Draco are hazardously perched on top of his own very messy desk, while a spotless one is across the room. The workspace definitely isn’t Ron’s since it has a stripy mug, a pretentious quill and ink set, with a giant picture of MV Draco, Pansy, Greg and Blaise hanging on the wall behind it.

(His) Draco seems captivated by the ping pong argument in front of them, that is quickly ended when MV Harry shoves at Draco so he falls backwards but consequently takes Harry down with him. It looks like it hurts and Harry winces in sympathy.

Until he puffs up his chest, feeling cocky. “We’re not together in _this_ Universe.”

MV Draco groans while MV Harry pants, “How long until the Curse-Breakers show up to set us free?”

MV Draco blows a lock of hair out of his face and smirks. “Long enough, Darling.” His free hand grabbed MV Harry’s arse with a casual air and Harry didn’t need to see any more.

(His) Draco frowns and grabs Harry’s arm while he spins the Time-Turner. “You really had to jinx it, huh?”

Harry considers never complaining about Floo travel ever again, as his stomach turns over from hurtling through time and across multiple dimensions. With little fanfare, they land on a velvety soft couch inside of a wildly opulent ballroom. It’s an enormous space and tastefully lit by hundreds of tiny candles. There’s a balcony with a double set of wide French doors, both held open by tied ropes so the moonlight and night air can pour in.

Then MV Draco hovers down and lands on the balcony, his set of giant, white wings flapping beautifully. He’s nude and almost completely erect, his entire body radiating sensuality as he walks across the marble floor and farther into the room. A wolf’s howl is heard close by.

(His) Draco sounds breathless beside Harry. “I look magnificent.”

Harry blushes and rubs his nose, scooting away from Draco a little bit and hunching over. “You look naked.”

A monstrous wolf sails over the balcony ledge and transforms in mid-air, leaving an equally naked Harry to land on two bare feet.

Both Dracos run their eyes up and down MV Harry’s muscular body, with (his) Draco’s lips curling up on one side while he fiddles with his hair. “You look fairly naked yourself,” he teases.

Harry coughs and rubs sweaty palms on his thighs while MV Werewolf Harry climbs onto a shiny piano and lays on his back, legs spread obscenely wide for the whole room to see. “We don’t need to stick around for this, Malfoy.”

(His) Draco hesitates, eyes on the MV couple as Veela Draco flaps his wings to fly over Werewolf Harry’s body, hovering steady as they start to kiss.

“I guess you’re right.” He waits another few seconds before leaning over to hold onto Harry and turning the Time-Turner. They’re both blushing and carefully avoiding each other’s eyes when the loud moans reverberate through the ballroom.

So far, they’ve managed to dip out before seeing anything too graphic. Unfortunately, their luck has finally run out. They land on a practice mat in the DADA classroom, while MV Draco and Harry are on the mat right beside them with their professor robes hiked up at the waist. Since they’re having clothed sex. 

MV Harry is even moaning about how ‘Malfoy better fuck him harder or he’s going to give him Saturday detention with the students’. _Atrocious._

To cover up his embarrassment, Harry blurts out the first thing that comes to mind and points. “I didn’t know you had a beauty mark there.” On his left arsecheek. MV Draco’s bare arsecheek is an arm’s length away from him. Simply… there. On display.

Mortified, (his) Draco clutches at his Time-Turner and yelps, “I do not!” However, barely two seconds pass before he turns around to look at his own derriere while tugging down his trousers, just far enough to check. 

Without thinking, Harry grabs a belt loop and pulls them down farther. “See, it’s right there,” he insists, accidentally touching the mole while pointing at it.

Scandalised, Draco smacks Harry’s hand away and hikes his trousers back up, sorting his clothes while ignoring Harry and the noise of their MV selves, who are going at it faster now.

Harry swallows, trying to not watch MV Draco’s arse bounce, but he’s only human. It’s a surprisingly plush arse.

“You’re a pervert, Potter,” Draco insists, grabbing Harry by the collar and choking him as he sends the Time-Turner spinning with vigour.

The Time-Turner spits them out onto Neville’s bed in the Gryffindor’s boy dorm room, where MV Draco and Ron are playing an intense game of chess. While wearing matching house ties. Sitting unbearably close together, MV Harry tenderly brushes a loose curl from MV Draco’s face and tucks it behind his ear. Then stares at him, looking absolutely besotted.

Harry splutters and turns red, yanking the Time-Turner out of (his) Draco’s hand so they can leave this universe before anything else incriminating happens.

Draco and Harry pop into the same sitting room of Grimmauld Place as before, only they’re on the loveseat this time and MV Harry is kneeling on the rug by the fireplace. 

MV Harry is also naked, sweaty and rock hard, moaning while he finger fucks himself.

(His) Draco sways beside Harry and whispers, “Oh.”

MV Harry pulls his fingers free with a loud squelch and picks up what looks like Floo powder, only it’s a fluorescent shade of green instead of the normal grey. He quietly mumbles a spell in place of an address before tossing it into the flames. Almost immediately, the flames soar, then lower to the edge of the hearth’s floor. A long, flushed cock slides out of the fireplace, looking identical to the erection attached to all of the previous MV Dracos. 

MV Harry moans when sliding back onto the welcomed dick, already panting like a bitch in heat as the session of Floo sex begins. They have an unnecessary clear view of his heavy balls as they swing back and forth.

Harry licks his lips and finally finds it possible to speak, stuttering as he asks, “Is that even possible?”

(His) Draco avoids Harry’s gaze. He tucks his arm around him, mumbling under his breath as he spins the Time-Turner. “You need a special powder and an unofficial spell, technically.”

They land outside again, this time on Hogwarts grounds by the Black Lake, at the edge of the pier.

MV Harry is sitting on a group of rocks by the water’s edge, leaning over and fully focused on the iridescent merman in the water. It’s Draco and he’s singing a passionate tune in Mermish, rounding out his song by raising his hands and presenting MV Harry with a delicate necklace made of braided seaweed.

Harry is so entranced by how beautiful MV Merman Draco is, that he keeps leaning in closer to get a better look and tumbles into the water as consequence. (His) Draco dives after him and manages to grab onto his torso as they break the surface and the Time-Turner spins.

They’re unceremoniously dumped on the steps of a shop near the dodgiest end of Knockturn Alley. Draco casts a drying charm over them both as soon as Harry shakes his curls like a dog.

A scantily clad MV Draco is leaning against the building across the street from them, smoking a cigarette while the loud thunder of a motorcycle grows nearer. It turns out to be MV Harry who slows to a stop in front of MV Draco. The engine is never turned off so Harry can’t hear the words exchanged, but he clearly sees a bag of Galleons exchanged that prompts Draco to climb on board behind him.

Harry can’t tell where they go after, since (his) Draco grabs him and spins the Time-Turner hurriedly, spluttering with red cheeks about how he isn’t a cheap companion of the moonlight.

Harry rubs his sore arse when they land on yet another floor, this time in a vaguely familiar double room in what looks like Hogwarts. Definitely Hogwarts once he realises all three boys in the room are wearing the purple ties that Hannah Abbott had suggested for eighth year. (An idea quickly approved by McGonagall to the ire of almost everyone.)

MV Draco is sitting stiffly on one bed, eyes locked on the Ancient Runes textbook in his lap.

MV Harry and Ron are on the other bed, with Ron speaking none too quietly, apologising to Harry for McGonagall’s stubbornness and refusing to swap out Draco for Ron as Harry’s roommate. The term ‘interhouse unity’ is spoken with the same disgust that is usually held for spiders. Ron slides off the blankets and heads out of the room without so much as a nod of courtesy thrown Draco’s way.

Harry breathes a sigh of relief when it looks like this will finally be a safe universe, as MV Harry stands and trails after Ron. Until he stops and closes the door behind him before he casts a strong locking charm, followed by a running jump where he lands on MV Draco’s bed. Wearing a particularly proud smile on his face.

MV Draco’s cold exterior melts away when he laughs at Harry’s antics, gently pushing him away as Harry grabs his book and tosses it on the floor. He whines about how he thought Ron would never leave and the fact that they can’t hide much longer. Draco rolls his eyes and grabs Harry’s tie to reel him in for a passionate snog.

Harry and (his) Draco seem to have come to a telepathic agreement as they stay silent and avoid each other’s eyes while holding onto the Time-Turner together as it spins.

Harry tries not to feel bitter when he realises this exact scene played out ten years ago during their real eighth year at Hogwarts. (Minus the kissing and secret relationship between star crossed lovers.)

They pop into the next universe, uncomfortably close together, squeezed into one side of a small booth in what looks like a Muggle coffee shop. It takes a few minutes of quiet and the odd crawling feeling of _wrongness_ before it hits them both at once.

“There’s no magic here,” they whisper at the same time, eyes wide and fear evident in their tones. Draco grabs Harry’s hand quickly and peers around the busy room, full of people, technology, and Muggle equipment. He drags Harry along when he slides out of the booth and walks around, stopping in his tracks right in front of the door once he sees it.

MV Draco is sitting in a squishy oversized chair, alone, typing rapidly on the macbook in his lap. He’s dressed in Muggle clothes and nearly indistinguishable from all the other college students who are supporting the coffee shop. There’s even a metal ring circling around his lower lip at the corner of his mouth. His tongue keeps flicking out to touch it. _It’s maddening._

MV Harry finally walks up, wearing the cafe’s uniform as he drops off a slice of carrot cake and a fresh latte. He says it’s ‘on the house’ in a shy voice and turns the cup so his number is visible where it’s written on the side in black marker. MV Draco smirks and tells Harry he looks cute in his apron. It makes Harry blush and scurry back behind the counter.

Draco gasps and takes a step back, his face pink when he trips over Harry’s boot. It throws him off balance, causing him and Harry both to fall backwards against the glass door that opens into the street behind them. The Time-Turner slips out of his hand and breaks open on the pavement beside them.

Then everything goes black.

Harry blinks and the coffee shop is no longer in view. They’re back in Draco’s lab, sitting on the floor saturated with spilled potions, wearing wet uniform robes and trousers. It’s even soaking into his pants and the thought of some bizarre experimental potion coming into contact with his dick has Harry jumping up onto his feet.

He helps Draco up without thinking twice, immediately wishing he hadn’t when he realizes how close they’re standing now.

Draco’s breathing is heavier than it was, and this time he’s brave enough to make eye contact while he sets the collar of Harry’s robe to sorts. “We really need to go down to the basement lab and go through the process of a decontamination shower,” Draco says, his voice almost scratchy.

Harry isn’t sure which part of his brain goes offline at the suggestion, but he follows it up with his own proposition. “We could share. You know, to make sure we get every crevice one hundred percent clean.”

Draco — _His Draco_ — blushes the prettiest shade of pink Harry has seen yet and pushes him weakly in the chest. “Absolutely not, Potter.” He takes a step back so they aren’t breathing the same air and seems to collect himself. “You have to buy me dinner first.” Then, he turns and walks out with his hips swaying confidently. A temptation on two legs if Harry’s ever seen one.

Harry swallows back the drool he can feel building up on the back of his tongue and jogs to catch up. “Does coffee in another universe count as ‘dinner’?”

**Author's Note:**

> **This work is part of the ongoing HP Crack!Fic Fest 2020.**
> 
> Please feel free to leave kudos/comments for the author here, or on our communities at [LJ](https://hpcrackficfest.livejournal.com/)/[DW](https://hpcrackficfest.dreamwidth.org/)/[Tumblr](https://hpcrackficfest.tumblr.com/).


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